Get Her Back or Get Over It

According to Socrates, Poverty raped Plenty and gave birth to love. I personally believe that a product of rape is impossible to love so I shouldn't have to pay child support, but we'll put my feelings aside and focus on the bull shit. So, Love has two parents that don't have anything common and never felt anything for each other. Love is confused as fuck and will drag you down. Everyone falls in love and everyone gets their ass kicked. I'm tired of people quoting Brand New songs and sighing, so I'm going to help you get her back or get over it. I'll give you something to do and the pros and cons of that thing. Fuck eloquence.

Start a Band

Getting her back.
Pro: You get to write a song with the girls name in it. Pretty hard to fuck up, you can get her back.
Con: Everyone else in the band will fucking hate that song.

Getting over it.
Pro: You get really into groupies and forget all about her.
Con: The song you wrote for her eventually catches on, becomes a hit single and it all comes flooding back. Heroin becomes your sandbags.

Suicide
Getting her back.
Pro: Dude she'll definitely cry at your funeral.
Con: Firstly, it doesn't matter because you're dead. Secondly, you just made her that much more dependent on the new guy.

Getting over it.
Pro: It's impossible to feel things when you're dead.You couldn't be more over it.
Con: No more masturbating.

Masturbate
Getting her back.
Pro: You're masturbating!
Con: If she finds out she's going to be pissed.

Getting over it.
Pro: You can think of anyone in any situation. This is the freest your mind will ever be.
Con: You might accidentally think of her, realize how lonely and pathetic you are, and then find out it's impossible to finish whilst sobbing.

Tell her how you really feel about her
Getting her back.
Pro: She's probably been waiting for you to do this the whole time.
Con: Nope, now you've got a restraining order.

Getting over it.
Pro: You get it all out of your system that you're making this bitch a hell of a lot better than she is.
Con: Totally counter productive.

Juwana Man
This one needs a little clarification. If you can't be the man in her life, be her beast girlfriend. Cross dressing solves a lot of problems in movies so you might as well try it.

Getting her back.
Pro: She falls for it and can't figure out why the female you(Juwana)brings up all the old emotions she had for the man you. She confesses her love for you (Juwana) even though she's never been lesbian before. You take off the wig and flattering dress spew a bunch of romantic/creepy shit and she's all yours again.
Con: She doesn't fall for it and now you're creepier than the guy fucking his cousins. Never get sex for free again.

Getting over it.
Con: If you're dressing up as a woman you have zero chance of getting over it.